7 Award Show Truths Courtesy of JLaw’s Hilarious Oscars Date

When Jennifer Lawrence took her annual tumble at the Oscars last Sunday, she latched on to the person in front of her and held on for dear life. That mystery woman in black was actually one of Lawrence’s dear friends, Laura Simpson. Being a red carpet life-preserver seems to be a solid exchange for entrance into Hollywood’s most exclusive event, but you have to wonder what it is like to be a commoner at the Oscars. Proving that JLaw hangs out with equally amazing people, Simpson wrote an actual LOL essay for My Space telling us everything we’ll ever want to know about the prestigious award ceremony and its attendees. In one night, Simpson fed Kerry Washington a Slim Jim, sniffed Brad Pitt, slammed drinks with Lawrence’s dad, and stalked Bill Murray. And those are just a few of her stories. Rounding up her best observations may be the highlight of our day. 1. Always be your weird/friendly self at random events. It may be your ticket to the Oscars. “I met her seven years ago at an event where we both didn’t know a single person. We hit it off over a mutual respect for Chandler Bing, and we’ve been eating pizza together ever since.” 2. Picking out your Oscar’s gown is stressful. You will become a Red Carpetzilla. “The fact that I was going to the show was no longer an idea but becoming a reality and like a 13-year-old girl at her birthday party, I had a complete meltdown. Somehow the night before the Oscars I managed to get into an argument with my best friend, my mom and my boyfriend. I think I cried more in the 12 hours before the Oscars than I have in 10 years — I was really getting into the drama of the evening. I somehow managed to make an entire event having nothing to do with me all about me and my precious feelings. I really should have been an actress. But like Scarlett O’Hara I got my hair and makeup done, put on my ball gown and wasn’t going to let anyone bring me down before MY big day.” 3. The streets that lead to the red carpet are filled with angry mobs of people. “It’s so surreal and hate-filled, I feel like I am heading to my own personal Salem Witch Trial. One thing is for sure: They think we’re all going to hell.” 4. Non-celebs only get red carpet attention when they are in the way. “We finally arrive at the red carpet and as we exit the car, my date eats shit and uses my freshly done Lauren Conrad up do to break her fall. The crowd goes wild. There are flashbulbs and people circling yet no one asks if I need any help because unless you are famous at the Oscars, you are completely invisible. I have never experienced anything like it. The only time anyone talks to you is if you are in the way of his or her photo. Oh and photographers on the carpet yell, ‘YOU IN THE HUGE DRESS, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING SHOT.’ It’s incredible. It is no wonder actors are crazy.” 5. Brad and Angelia are, in fact, perfection. “After the show we go backstage where I meet Brad and Angelina. Brad Pitt smells amazing, like nothing I’ve ever smelled. Eventually we ask what cologne he’s wearing and he tells us, ‘I don’t wear cologne, it’s just my musk I guess.’ I have to choose not to believe him because it would just be unfair to mankind. Angelina is gorgeous and elegant and they are like The Sun and The Moon.” 6. Stalking Bill Murray will pay off in the end. “At one point he looks in my direction and winks at me while dancing to “If You Want My Body and You Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart—a moment, I now realize, my whole life had been leading up to.” 7. Actresses are actually nice people. “I think what I took most away from the evening was how lovely all the women were. Actresses tend to get a bad reputation but every woman I met was lovely, witty and introduced themselves to me even though I wasn’t famous — even Anne Hathaway. And Kerry Washington, if your marriage doesn’t work out… CALL ME.”

News Source: Entertainment